Chaotic Control and Cotton Candy

What is control?

A way of preventing chaos you say...a way to make sure everything runs like its supposed to...a way to ensure that mistakes get corrected immediately and everything runs smooth...its the lubrication, and the process which is lubricated...hmmm....If you had thought any of the above, control probably plays a large influence in your life because whatever you thought is correct. And...now you might be thinking what the hell i am getting at...i promise the patient readers some Cotton Candy at the end. ;)

I assume all of you would have a little background on how a controlled system works...don't worry if you are not an engineer or a scientist or even remotely related to a "still a virgin at 30, never been kissed, my G4 is my best friend" geek. Its not too hard...ok, here we go.

What lends the element of control in a control system? Its the knowledge of how the process works which enables us to make decisions on how to adapt it or control it. There is a very intuitive term to explain this...Feedback. For example, a voltmeter in a circuit in parallel measures the voltage which is to be controlled. A less geekier example...a driver sees the road ahead to follow it.

But there is a problem with this...if a process has enough intelligence to control itself without any external means, then its probably fulfilling its purpose to the fullest extent. Have you ever seen someone hold the steering wheel absolutely still in a straight line? But when something external gets tacked onto it like our Voltmeter, it loses its original fullness. A voltmeter actually introduces a small impedance into the circuit...the process might seem to be more controlled...but its not 100% as envisioned anymore...the actual process which you need to control gives results which are only 99.999999% correct maybe....

Sensors...both the geeky and the non geeky versions...thus introduce disturbances in the system. And how do we handle it? We calibrate. Calibration is essentially fooling ourselves into believing the near perfect process in front of your eyes as the most desirable outcome you could have expected and you manipulate your perceptions to conform to it. Maybe, when the original Harley was made, the engine was soooo noisy and clangy that Mr.Davidson would have been appalled by it...but of course combined with some clever marketing and some associated hypnosis, viola...calibration and history being assembled!!! The Harley does sound good doesn't it... :D Ahem...calibration sets in motion, without us being aware of them, a series of mini imperfections which will soon magnify itself and go out of proportion with us blissfully ignorant of them all. The classic Bush-Iraq screw-up comes to mind...

Now where does chaos come into the picture? Well, once human beings are satisfied they have something under control, we tend to forget about it. Information gets lost with time...and one fine day, no one will bloody know how the world goes around or forget that there is no difference between a Bush and a monkey (apes are too intelligent) and vote the Republicans back into power again...knowledge unfortunately has a definite scope and focus...which is what makes us human and not Boooooooooy genius Dexter sitting in his laboratory where anything can be created out of thin air or a cartoonists imagination... ;) I think DeeDee is too girly...anywaaaaay...

Entropy...i like this word a lot. Once the perfect system is in place, its cool...99.9% conformance. But to arrive at this just about holy grail, one needs to jump across many trenches and crevices with hungry alligators waiting for their aperitifs...one has to lose many good men in the process...one has to make love to the tastelessly fat and insanely ugly daughter of a tribal chief as part of a rather shady voodoo ritual to cleanse the bat-poo aura...just to replace your lost men with them damn damn coolly tattooed natives...and unfortunately for you, no condomats around. Essentially, trial and error and modification and change. Someone should install those damn condomats...we can do without bat-poo in this world...and not to mention fat ugly daughters of cheftians. I blame Robin for this...is he gay by the way? We shall never know until the next Batman movie comes out...

Anyway, the overall sum of initial disturbances is greater than the relative calm of later control. Entropy is the change thats spiraling us downwards...so, my dear civilians, as you see...control...or at least an attempt at it...is better left to the geeks...you go out and live your life. You don't want control to lead you to chaos...it will only delay the inevitable...instead, simply let go.

Chaos is lovely in its flavour...especially when living a dream staring at a Yellow Cotton Candy Tree with fresh green leaves below during a late and lovely autmn evening...

To my readers...

Make love and not war someone said...and i love my blog too much to create confusion. Thus the decision to split them up. My beloved ...This Is Tyranny... shall go back to what it was originally meant for...

But...the good news is, i am not stopping my imagination running wild and high...

For all the fiction i have written and going to write, http://this-is-not-tyranny.blogspot.com/

For whats going to be my focus for a while, the little fairy tale about the little red book,
http://little-red-riding-book.blogspot.com/

And...a special message to "sweetness and light"...you are probably the only one i can claim to be a regular reader of my fiction, i am sorry that i stopped my writing for a while...but i am on my path back...so, please, if you are reading this, continue to leave you comments.

I couldnt bring myself to remove the fiction i wrote from here...i did not want to lose your comments which make it all worthwhile...so, they shall remain.

So, like that.

Turntables...a Poem...at the spur of the moment.

life hangs in the balance while i am out there...
lazing about on all fours, smelling the sweet spring air...
beleive i do that the spring in my step lends a little fashion...
to all that has been done and to be done with the same old passion...
dreams are not yet to be undone till the present minute...
but dreams, be they angels from the heavens or some cheap gimmick...
i know not where i am headed, i love you mom and you and you too...
wish me luck in the journey dreaded, to dream or not to leave it through...

its the question which remains by the heart unanswered as the memories unerased....
i survive still and always with a smile unfazed...

Amen.

Sex, lies and videotape...a "not so short" short story...

14:50 and off went the alarm...
A hand shot out and slapped it into submission. Both of them went back to sleep...the alarm clock and her mistress. The hustle and bustle at the crossroads outside was not exactly helpful to get back to the dream she was having. Oh my god!! Shut up!!

Too late...she had to wait one more sunrise for her prince charming again...she opened her eyes to the harsh afternoon sunlight, a little drizzle...the possibility of a rainbow could have brightened up her mood on other days...the alarm clock was impassive to her scowl at it...infact, it was smiling back at her...it was that time of the day...as it does each day once every 12 hours...

"Look at you...all smiles. You smile half the day and you are sad the other half. But i guess you are ok...you smile at me each day when you wake me up!"

She left the sheets as they were...some of them liked it a little messed up. She had to meet an agent today who was supposedly high profile...shall do quite nicely to build up some contacts high up.

"Martys Video" read the sign.

The doorbell tinkled...

"Hey Marty...hows the scene looking?"

He looked up from a stack of tapes with a felt pen stuck in one ear and a cigarette in another. Marty was an old hand in the neighbourhood...been around for ages...infact, he is the only person sane enough or insane enough, depends on how you don't want to look at it, to see three generations of the residents of the 4th.

"Hello Miranda...good morning to you too! Not bad at all...business is booming...got a coupla scouts this morning already...maybe you should hang around for a while...try your luck. Bella from 5th hit the jackpot...Micheal's people got her."

"Ah...that bitch...she might ger her moment of fame but where are her old customers now eh...she lost all of them! ha!"

Marty, with a barely deceptable shake of the head, went back to his stack...

"Cmon now Miranda...you dont mean that."

"Argh...who am I kidding!! That lucky bitch. But nonetheless, I am supposed to meet Slim today. Heard he got some good openings up at the studio. Not as high profile as Micheal...but its something. Besides, could use the steady money for a change and could use much less unpredictability...you know...its better to go with a script...besides, I always liked the lines we speak before the main course. I would like to be a star...one way or the other!"

Marty's old grey eyes just glanced up at her from his stack...his eyes smiled. He has known Miranda since she was found an orphan not far away from here. She must have been from a good family, the heritage showed...apart from her delicate features and ever-glowing skin, she always kept dreaming of romance, love, education, children and other stuff which her kind, or rather the kind she was adopted into, never dreamed of. They were different...or rather, she was different. Their needs never went beyond the quick buck and a quick bite somewhere along the way in a fancy restaurant...but Miranda was an Alice stuck in a wonderless-land. No wonder he looked out for her...

He chuckled...

"The lines...the lines...the inevitable lines...sigh...Miranda, you know no one gives a horse shit about the lines...C'mon girl. Grow up!"

"Yeah yeah...I know the routine...the works."
She paused for a while as if recollecting something...

"I just wish someone would just sweep me off my feet you know...you know...like a prince of some country...Academia or Anastasia or some exotic sounding place...you know...well...um... Hey!!!!! Stop laughing!!"

"Ah girl...you never learn do ya! When is Slim coming around?"

"Anytime now...he should be"...

Just at that moment, the doorbell tinkled...not Slim...someone else...tall, dusky...he had a heavy leather biker jacket on...no helmet though. Clearly not a biker...but there was something rugged about him. But he was also...clean. Yes, clean. Rugged but clean. Quite intriguing...His jeans were immaculate with hints of wear at the fringes...he wore a clean white shirt with the top two buttons undone. Clearly defined jaw...with smiling blue eyes...he had that small crinkle of amusement at the corner of his lips...

She felt herself catching her breath...but let it out the next moment...he is obviously in the wrong place. He should be heading up Maple Street...thats where these uptown people go. She saw Marty with his almost boring but quizzical glance...

"Yes sir...what can I do for ya?"

"I am looking for some girls!"

Miranda thought...Oh my...he is totally not used to this is he? He might look smooth, but he aint smoother than an alligators back this fella...she giggled. Marty shushed her up with just a piercing glare.

"Well sir...I am sorry. Do you have the right address? This is a video store...as you can see, we don't have any girls here except this lassie here...she is my niece! May I look at the address again?"

"Um...errr...ok. Here you go!"

The note had all the keywords. It must be from one of the usual guys uptown...this guy must be ok. But was he out of place. He better get him out of here before he gets caught by the papparazi or something! But he did not have any of the girls from the 4th right now at hand...he started walking towards the phone...

"Hey Marty...can I have a look at that address...maybe you can save a call if I know the place!"

She looked almost like a girl wanting to run off and play with the swing now that her homework was done. He liked Miranda a lot...ah...what the hell...if she really wants to be with this guy inspite of Slim coming down any moment, what the hell! She doesn't get this excited normally...

"Sure sweetie. Take a look. Well, Sir, I am an old man now...my niece here knows this place better than I know the back of my hand...its her legs I say. So, lithe and active. They will cover half the block before I could cover half the corridor here! Hehe..."

He looked at her legs at that moment...he might be a stranger in these parts, but he was not dumb. He caught on fast...he started replying to Marty just a moment before he tore his eyes away from them.

"I wonder if your niece will be so kind to direct me to the address!"

She only had to nod to Marty. He mumbled his approval and off they went. He had a car waiting...she was expecting one of those pickup trucks with the superchargers sticking out of the front. But a Ford Taurus! This guy was something of a different kind...

They got in...buckled up. He engaged the gear and off they rolled...

"So, mister...."

"Mr.Monterry...call me Monty"

He must be quite daft to blurt out his name at first...but looked like he was not lying...

"Errr...ok. Monty, you have to take a left at the next cut and a coupla blocks up and another right should get you close to the place. We have to walk the last coupla alleys."

He obeyed the instructions...they got off and he followed her into her apartment. She closed the door and turned around. There he was...quite not entirely comfortable. But so so cute! She smiled...subtle and fleeting...and picked up a bottle of wine and some glasses. Not a word was spoken...beyond a point, there is no real need for words...the rate was fixed by the agent uptown and everything was explained. So, there is no real need to speak to the girl...saves the trouble and the uncomfortable moment...particularly for the especially shy...which apparently he was.

"I am from uptown. I work at this law firm!"

Wow...This guy is bonkers...She thought. But she couldn't help but smile. Here is someone who finally seemed not to concentrate all his energy on her body...this guy actually lets himself be distracted by telling her what he does!! Hellllllllooo...time out!!

"Um...really?!? What do you do there? Do you fight crime and stand up for justice?"

"Well...I am actually a civil lawyer. But I fight crime under the cover of darkness...you will see the mayor flashing my light-call sometimes. But most of the time, the damn lights are fused...so, I have this cute little red telephone with a direct connection to his office. Its quite handy actually!"

They burst out laughing...

"Ah...my hero. Wasn't it you who saved me the other day from this gang of ruffians when I was returning from the movies? You had your mask on...and your rubber suit!! Before I could show you my gratitude with a kiss, you swished away..."

"Ah...that can be mended now...never too late for accepting thanks from grateful damsels in past distress..."

He took a sip of wine...all the time looking into her watery eyes. He suddenly seemed so full of confidence and power that she was awestruck all of a sudden...he got up, walked to her side and kissed her. His power flowed into her...she felt herself rising up to meet his lips...but he pulled away after a few seconds. He looked extremely sad at something...went back to his seat. Gulped down the wine in one go.

"I just had a very painful divorce. After 8 years of marriage..."

She was caught unawares...of all the things she couldn't have expected, this was the last in that long long line. She felt herself stretching out and taking his hands in her own...in a silent show of support. They talked for hours after that about how broken he was...how deep went the hurt...how the scars still hurt. She also told him about her thoughts of freedom to do what she wants, about the romance she so wants, how she is not doing this because she was forced to but was brought up into this...she did not have a choice and it hurt sometimes.

They consoled each other, all the while holding hands...she felt butterflies in her stomach...her skin tingled at each shift of pressure of his hands on hers...she was losing herself...slowly but surely. Usually, she is the one in control...guiding the entire show...but this became something else...two people who so apparently gelled...connecting at another level...was she falling in love? She did not know...she had never been in love...not after seeing the amount of guys she had in the ways she did.

Abruptly, he stopped talking...a few moments of desperate silence...

"You see...I came here because I just wanted a wild night to let it out. The pressure is unbearable at times...I cant stay at that house for long anymore...thought I can find something quick and meaningless here...but...you are not what I expected. You are a woman!"

She did not know what to say...she was floating in heaven...she felt herself getting wet between the legs. She got up and led him by the arms into the bedroom...

"Make yourself comfortable. I will be back in a while..."

She went into the closet and slipped into something she usually reserved for her best customers. Perfume, a little makeup, some sexy fishnet stockings...oh my o my...she is seriously dressing up for this guy...she had no idea what these feelings were that she felt. She spent a good amount of time getting ready...normally, she wanted it to get over with as quick as possible...this was the first time she actually smiled into the mirror while she checked her makeup...

Out she came...not completely...slipped a leg out at first...and called out to him to take notice. She heard him shuffling about as if in a hurry to get somewhere real quick...poor guy...she knew her legs were the best part of her. He is getting quite a treat alright. Still he was shuffling about...haha...poor Mr.Monterry...hope she does not scare him away. She heard him stumble over something and jump onto bed...

She slipped out into the room...he was on the bed now...on top of the already crumpled sheets...and to her surprise, fully clothed! He just managed to remove his heavy jacket all this while...

"Wow...you...you are the most beautiful woman I have seen...I think...I think...ah damn it...I probably shouldn't be saying this...but...I...I never felt this happy to talk to someone about something so close to my heart before..."

She simply walked over to him...sat by him...gently laid him on his back and swung her leg over him and placed her hands on his chest all in one sexy practiced movement.

"What are you saying Mr.Lawyer?"

"I...I think...I am falling in love with you!"

All her mixed confused thoughts now fell in place...she never felt so elated as she did at that moment. She wondered how she must be looking now...the look on the face of a woman who was loved by a man...and who loved him in return. He was so gentle...so sweet...so considerate...he loved like no one else...he loved like a feather loved the spring breeze flowing across the fields at sunset. He satisfied her atleast thrice before he let himself. All the while, she felt herself fall deeper in love with this strange man...she looked deep into his eyes as they were laying on their sides with their legs intertwined like pigtails...

"I love you too!"

He simply smiled and kissed her eyes. And they made love again...and again...and again...

She never went to slept before midnight nor had she slept so peacefully. And for the first time, she had a dreamless sleep...dreams are for those people who dream of something better...her prince charming was right next to her...she dozed off with her arm around his slowly heaving chest...all snuggled into him and slept like never before.

11:00...she opened her eyes...the sunlight did not yet hit her face...but somehow she heard the birds singing today instead of the traffic outside. She turned around to look at him. But just his pillow to greet her...now she was fully awake. Where can he be? Maybe in the toilet...she checked there and everywhere. His jacket was gone...his clothes...his car. No note...no number...he left nothing behind. What could this mean? Did he let himself lose control and get worked up later on? Did he have an emergency in the morning and had to go? Will he come back in the evening?? Will he...?? But something did not seem right...

She dressed up hurriedly and went over to the only person should could...

"Martys Video" read the sign...again...

"Hey Marty...did the agent from uptown come here for the payoff?"

He was smoking his cigarette now...he looked at her through the fog...

"Hey Miranda...good morning to you too! Heavy night last night?"

"Marty...cut the crap. What about the payment?"

He looked at her queerly for a while...she has never been so impatient about the money as the other girls...he smelled yesterdays rat...

"Here it is...came through the usual route! You got double the usual...wonder why though..."

"Marty...who gave this to you? Do you know the agent?"

"Hmmm...it came through delivery....like always. You know I don't see the agents making the payments themselves...you know that!! Miranda...whats wrong? Tell me now..."

"Well...Marty...its like this. The guy...of yesterday...he was...well...erm..."

"No no no Miranda. You know the rules!"

"I am sorry Marty...he was so different...I...I am sorry. Can you help me find him? I am lost now...i am desperate...i dont know how i am feeling what i am feeling...i...please...please help me find him...i beg you..."

A tear trickled...

He considered her...her shivering hands...her teary eyes...her bedraggled look...he felt a little pity for her...he thought about her request for a while. Normally, those who break the rules get no sympathy...in this world of early birds, in the end, everyone forgets about the nectar and goes after the worms...but she was his Sweetie.

"Hmmm....ok...I will try. I will pull some strings if I can find some...don't get your hopes up though..."

"Thanks Marty...I don't know what to say..."

"Just get yourself a bite to eat...you look horrible! By the way, about Slim...I handled it and your lucky ass still got a chance with him today. You can thank me later for that!"

"No..."

"Eh what...? What do you mean No?"

She looked at the old man...he was almost like Mount Rushmore...giving the impression of old age as only mountains can but also somehow with all the wisdom of all the men on it...surely he will understand.

"Well...I don't feel like working tonight...or anynight. I want to find this guy from yesterday and talk to him first!"

"Miranda...honey...this could take weeks...what will you do for the money?"

"I...I don't know...I guess I can borrow some...but I hate doing that. I don't know..."

"Hmmm...this is not taking a healthy turn of events now...ok, as you wish! You are not a girl anymore for me to advise!"

She smiled and hugged the old timer...and made off to her room.

The days went by...she managed initially without much food for thought on this...but the money was not too good. She did not have much savings...she was young and never really bothered about the savings unlike her aunts...she couldn't bring herself to borrow much more than required to scrape together a meager existence...

The days turned into weeks...and the weeks felt like years to her. She lost weight...however impossible that seemed...she just lay in her bed all day...remembering those moments of sheer joy...the pleasure...the joy. Sometimes, she went out into town...sneaked around in the bus ticketless...she was almost caught once though...all the time looking for him. She went all around the uptown region. Damn Ford Taurus...they were too common to really distinguish from one another...besides, she did not have the registration number memorized. A needle in a wide wide teeming haystack...her only hope was Marty. He was not doing any better than her though...

She grew forlorn...she sunk into depression...she started drinking a lot with borrowed money...her debt skyrocketted with the drinking now...she hardly met any people now except Marty to hear him say the same thing again and again...she was losing her will to live.

All the while she kept hearing his words again and again...she kept imagining how she would have looked when he told her that he loved her...she was breaking down before her own eyes...this cannot possibly go on for any longer...

One cold November morning...
"Martys Video" read the sign...as always...

Bella of the 5th was there. She rarely visits Marty unless she had some movie of hers she wants to gloat over. Miranda walked in as usual...

"Marty...anything new abou....oh...Bella!"

"Yeah...Miranda. As you can see, I am doing fine. But look at you dahling...whats down with you?

"Bella...take the tape and get lost. I have something to discuss with Marty!"

"Ooooh...Miss goody two shoes...always the nice one. Always the pretty one. You were not looking too pretty in your last movie dear. What a horrible production!! Only one camera...oh my gawd!! You would think it was almost a home video!!!"

"No it wasnt...it was one from one of the russian guys...hell, you did some with them yourself..."

"Miranda...dont try to fool me now! I know what i saw...and it was at your appartment...you cant deny that!"

Miranda whipped about as if tugged by an invisible rope...she just stared at a spot somewhere between Bella's shifting eyes for what seemed like an eternity....

"What did you say? My place...my apartment? My movie. Where is...but how...is it here?"

"Of course...hey Marty...check for "Lovers In Love" in the Hardcore section willya!?!"

Marty, just through with a cigarette, was calm...he had seen way too much to react to Bella's taunts...but he was curious to know what this was about...and sure enough, there it was. He freed the tape from its place and swung it over to the VCD player...the cover had nothing about Miranda on it...the tape rolled.

A slutty mistress came on and started story telling about how love never pays...and about girls being good and about how evil deeds go unnoticed when its what is true to the art of sex. And the scene shifts to a room...

Miranda almost shrieked out...it was her room. And Mr.Monterry was on her bed...smiling his innocent but confident smile. Arms folded across his chest...looking somewhere to his left...and sure enough, there she was. She was lookin amazing...she never realized how good she can look in a non slutty but sexy way...a good girl...a nice girl...the ones who the mistress was talking about...oh my god!!!

She saw it all...all the whispering...his speech about love...his love making...her reactions. She saw herself...herself in love. Finally, she heard herself saying out loud "I love you too!". Miranda was for a moment thrown back into her room back on that fateful day...now it all came back to her...the shuffling sound she heard all the while she was in the closet changing...how his jacket seemed extremely heavy for that kind of weather...how he insisted on only certain positions...how he never wanted to leave the bed...how she got double the payment the next day...it all made horrible twisted sense now.

Bella was smirking now...glowing over her superior production studio, her more famous co-stars, the set, the story, the variety in her movie. Miranda was still...quiet...did not utter even a single word since the tape started rolling. Bella left the store with her head held high...she had a customer to attend to who requested her after watching one of her movies. A fan so to speak...and this was as good as giving her fans her autograph...well...not entirely.

Marty was quiet too all the while...he looked at Miranda at the end of it all. She looked at him...her lips quivering...she tried to speak...she couldn't. He spread his arms out in a quiet invitation. She accepted. They hugged...been quite some time since he hugged anyone...but this moment so deserved it. A few minutes of silence passed...he stole another look at her now. No tears from her eyes...no sign of shock after her initial reaction...infact, she looked eerily calm...

"Miranda...can you hear me? Are you ok? Talk to me girl..."

She pulled away...made towards the door...opened it...stood there for a while with her back to him...after what seemed like an eternity, she turned around. He was surprised to look at her...she was smiling. Her eyes were laughing again...not the fake smile that he knew quite well to detect...but very genuine, from the heart...then her voice flowed all over the video store...she was laughing out loud. It was too much to take for good old Marty...

"Miranda...what...what...how?.."

"Marty...its ok. Its nothing...it was nothing...it meant nothing...call Slim and see if he is still interested. Oh please do show him that video willya! I am a star!!! Finally...my time has come!! Don't you worry Marty...stardom awaits!! That Bella better watch out...she wont know what hit her!! Seeya around then...btw, got some jobs for the night? Of course you do...I will be around by seven ok. Gotta set my room straight...been a while since I did that...you know how finicky some customers get...till later then...adios!"

Marty...momentarily stunned...standing there in the smoke...swaying about on the spot for a while...digesting what happened just now. He sauntered behind his counter...fished out another cigarette as if by magic from his ear...fumbled for some matches at the back...found some...lit one...but did not light his cigarette immediately. His other hand went down into his pocket...a piece of paper...he lit its edge on fire...put out the match. He watched it burn for a while...watched the words scrawled on it glow for a moment in a final struggle to stay alive. He lit his cigarette with the flames fuelled by the words...an address infact...

"Well...Mr.Monterry, you lucky son of a bitch...that was quite close wasnt it!?! Consider that the closest shave you ever had..."

Free falling...a short story...

The Manhattan skyline...what's in a bunch of straight lines drawn across the horizon with nothing but speckled darkness upon it and a dimming glow behind which makes it so romantic!?! As so many people who has been to that spot which could afford that wonderful view, he did not realize its beauty until in retrospect...

"Go with the flow." "Be the man." "Don't be scared. Its all about going with the flow..."
Such words of wisdom...words of such wonderful wisdom...coming from the masters of the art themselves. He went with the flow alright...and guess what...it worked just fine. She too apparently had similar instructions from her own school of love...ooohhhh...what wonderful mentors. That was their first date...their first kiss...with the Manhattan skyline outlining the scene...picture perfect. Pity...they don't have a picture of it though...

What a wonderful time after that...speechlessness couldn't have described it better...the long lonely walks by the seaside at night...the love making in his kitchen...the long drives in her maroon Ford Ka...the way they just held hands, slowly brushed against each other and stared at the Manhattan skyline after many an evening. He did not bother thinking about it too much...you wonder why...the flow damn it!! He was going with the flow...and flow their love did.

They were going on about their love...almost like a bee buzzing about its flower...teasing each other for some time...buzzzzzzzzzz....buzzzzzzzzzzzzz...until they meet...and then symbiosis. The sweetness of it all. The calm before the storm...then the storm...then the eye of the storm...the storm back again...and wiederholen again from the top...crazy little thing called love.

"Made for eachother"...the passersby whispered..."Mad for eachother"...their friends whispered...wonderful people. People are wonderful. How much love can be in the air...buzzzzzzzzzz...buzzzzzzzzz...the buzz is getting stronger for some strange reason. And the sweetness lighter...the ecstasy remains the same though...wonderful people they were with eachother...picture perfect. A picture yet again was the need of most of their days together...but no, they did not take a single picture of together...who needs memories when life is rolled out in front in the form of the plushest reddest and unbelievably soft carpet you can ever float upon...floating...because their carpet had magic in it...yes, a magic carpet. And they flew on it...buzzzzzzzzz...that was the flow not the flew...

The passion had nowhere but higher to go...leaving behind the embers of the bridge burning behind them, they could not turn back now...they were way too much in love to try waiting for the world to accept them. Why? Oh god why? Isn't it enough if two people love each other so much...why cant you leave them in peace...in quiet...talking of which, buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...and a new sound now...thup thup thup thup thup...rhythmic...almost melodious...so steady that it gave one goosepimples. The world might even turn upside down...nauseating you...you can feel your ears pop at the pressure...but...their love was ethereal...was pure. An endless river of it for good measure...

But wait...this flow...did you even wonder what might happen if it stopped or even slowed down? No...of course it cant...it's unthinkable...just like their love was unquantifiable. Will they be shattered? Battered and bruised? Will their friends feel sad and share the pain? Or is it their own? Who cares...the flow is still there...just gotta go with it...hoho...party time again, bring on the beer boys!!

buzzzzzz....thup thup....buzzzzzzz..thup thup whup thup....bzzzzzzzz...

The accident...it was gruesome...straight off the cliff and into the waiting ocean...no...not their magic carpet...it can fly of course...but the Ford Ka. She must have been in quite some pain before the final moment...before she went under. The fall unto the ocean...what must have gone through her mind? Is it true that your life flashes before your eyes before death? Her terror must have been absolute...was she thinking of him?

His friend called him with the news...this happened just about the time when you started reading this...3 minutes...4...5 at the maximum....5 minutes. He had 5 minutes to reflect until this moment. Grief is too weak a word to describe that feeling...to make matters worse for him, not a friendly face around...no shoulder to lean on...not even a wall to lean on. Just a hollow shell of vibrating metal. Buzzzzzzzzz..thup thup thup...no, not the flow...it quite plainly came to a grinding halt a few minutes ago...for the moment atleast. But that sound...that was the Cessna...twenty thousand feet and counting...it's amazing how fast these planes can climb skywards in 5 minutes...and quite amazing how he got the call just when the plane was still within communication range. This is the point where I have no idea what's running through his mind...I am flowing now...with time in its latest avatar...I think its best he is left alone for now.

"She...I...I love her...I just love her...god...I love her...Oh god why...why..."

buzzzzzzzzzzzz...thup thup thup....buzzzzzzzzz....

"Yo Michael...what the hell you mumbling at the rear...we are almost in space now...wanna get your ass off my deck or what? C'mon man...my wife will kill me if I let the bacon get cold..."

He looks up from between his crumpled up legs and wonders at how uncompassionate that sounded...5 minutes...only 5 minutes....damn! He did not believe this...he wanted out...he wanted to escape this metal sarcophagus...he jumps...into space...away from that closed space...

The feeling of freedom, the freedom of falling...of elation...of flying...he is closer to heaven just above. He always forgets his problems and pleasures while up there...alone...when the depth of being just a speck in the wide wide universe is magnified a thousand fold in comparison to gazing at the stars by the beachside on a lucid night...quintessential reflection of the mind at its free'est. He took a whiff of the air...turned around twice...once at the waning sun and once at the waxing moon...with the stars faintly visible above. A tear formed...and instantly vaporised...he couldn't even cry here...not even allowed his pain...but then, the tonic of gravity...of free falling was almost soothing...

But this time...the closer he got to the ground...the more he hated it...more than he normally does. Times before...there was she to go back home to...now just an empty planet filled with people...hmm...heaven above and hell beneath. Stuck in a limbo for a short but sweet while...but there was nothing he could do...or was there?

The wind against his face was now making a hell of a rumble...shouting its warning against the impending jungle below. The ground below was now uncomfortably getting closer...bigger...almost like an invisible and huge magnifying glass was falling in reverse from the ground up towards him floating harmlessly in limbo. Its unfair...the planet already has so many people...why does it want him so bad? There is no life for him left now down there in hell...unbearable.

But wait...there is something yet left to think upon...should he pull the cord? In one smooth non-action, should he save himself from the agony waiting to be heaped upon him? Should he be the man and brace himself against the instance of a horrible coming together? But then...should he take this in his stride and make his life worth living more than what anyone could have dreamed of? Should he take the small step towards recovery which might lead him to bigger treasures? Should he be another kind of man and face his adversity head on?

There he was...a blip above the beautiful Manhattan skyline...the funny thing was, even from his view point, he could still see the curved Manhattan skyline...all the straight lines no more...lines now arcs...rectangles now ovals...squares now circles...their love so much etched into memory with the Manhattan skyline now getting twisted out of shape and fighting with its own surreal will. But he was now alone in this fight...in his struggle...

The skyline brought his first date to mind...and the next...and the one after that...and then, all the memories he ever had of her flashed across his disturbed mind. Was that his life flashing before his eyes? Was she his only life? Or was she dearer than life itself?

He saw a falcon swooping past him chasing after an invisible nothing...at that moment of freedom and movement of purpose, he knew what he had to do. He decided in that moment of life or death...to simply...go with the flow.

Learning to crawl...a sci-fi short story.

"Hello my brother...what brings you up here? Is not your allowance exceeded for this pulse period?"

"Yes my brother...but i come to talk to you. I hope the guards don't spy me out..."

"Inspite of times that pass, i am sure you have something stimulating to talk about...shall we exit through the north east gangway?"

"Perfect...the prarie wind is strong at this time of the pulses i reckon...stealth is of essence brother...we should not be hasty!"

And off they swooped into the air...the two men from PhoenixII, of the third galactic ring. PhoenixII was their home...they were born there...they took their first flaps there...at their prime, they ruled the skies...but that was a long time ago...

Phoenix II is in war...has been for a long time now...their orange skies are now a murky gray...the swell currents which used to be fresh and invigorating was now damp and garbled...but of course, war has always had its penalties.

The two friends were now high up in the stratocurrent...where the chances of them being overheard and spied upon was little...one cannot be too careful during such hard times.

"Tell me my brother...what is it that you want to talk about? I hope it does not have much to do with the proponents of war or their thoughts. I have had enough of that propaganda to last a thousand pulses!"

"You besmirch my standing with such thoughts my brother...certainly, you know me better! But i cannot but help observe the note of sarcasm in your voice, you jest brother...a little seriously...but jest you do!"

"Keen observation..and quite right too. I am very interested in hearing this...here?"

"No...not here...we still got a while...follow me!"

And off they swooped...into a nosedive...their wings close by their sides, sharp body features cleaving the thickening air until they felt warm...they were the highest among the race of aerial beings...The Narulars was their given name...also known as the silent assassins. Over the millennia, they trained and developed their art of flying to such an extent that few can match them now in their dexterity and guile up in the air. They were valuable additions to any army...any imperial emperor will have atleast a couple of Narulars in his elite guard at all times. The very reason why they are always in focus during times of war...and times of hardships...

The two Narular came upto the ground now...but did not land...as they did not have their shields with them at the moment. Not for fear of attack but simply because their anatomy did not allow them direct contact with soil to go without bodily harm. This has been both the curse and a boon for the Narulars. When technology was in its infancy, they still had to survey the ground for food, raw materials and other vital necessities...their evolution of being dependent on a toxic environment for their daily survival honed their survival skills and sharp instincts in them. Their reflexes and intelligence evolved faster than any other race...and thus, they are blessed now with prosperity.

They were almost skimming the ground now...such was their precise control over their movements that they barely gave a second thought to an emergency forcing them to touch the ground...they dodged a climaherb...they settled down into an intransient flap torrent thus conserving energy...

"My brother...i am thankful for being born into my family...into our race...in this planet...i love being myself. But there is something which i yearn for nowadays...its unreachable...i know...but my thoughts cant escape that line for long each day...its troubling me a lot. I don't know if i am being stupid...i dream they might say...but what's wrong with dreams or fiction i fail to understand..."

"Tell me...what is it which haunts you?"

"Well...have you not ever wondered how it will be to have legs and walk the ground without fearing death?"

"....hmmm..."

"I know it sounds crazy...but have you not wondered...have you not...have you..."

"Yes i have. But i have never told anyone...the very thought is frightening..."

They rounded upon a hill now...the vegetation below sparsened out a little...enough to spy out the land creatures who live in holes in the ground.

"Depends on your point of view...i look at those burrowing creatures down there...and i cant help envying them...the feeling of solidity underneath their feet...the surety with which they can move...the possibility of perfect immobility without the need to find a perching place...and mainly, their minds my brother. Their minds can be free of thoughts like my current thought when life is simple enough to be lived out without any hitch..."

"Hmmm...my brother, i see the thought and wisdom behind your words...but its not our way to be friends with that which will blow us down! We respect the soil...and use it for our needs...but...not like what you say..."

"Intelligence it seems is chaotic in its substance...this war we fight...its caused by intelligence among the fliers...to think such schemes to conquer or defend...when something is not required for mere survival, intelligence is destructive when kept unleashed my brother...and i am simply envious of these land creatures...their evolution lent them enough intelligence to ensure survival...and its enough for the universe!"

"Ah...i see your view..."

The night was wearing on...the silence of the place broken only by their wing beats sobered out the scene...the stars were out tonight...such a rarity during war times when camouflage smoke smothered most of the stars out. They were well beyond the gallery range now...

"My fatal fascination with the soil is not so blasphemous now eh?"

"Allow me to ask you something. Have you ever thought about a world...where there are beings...intelligent beings...who are lands beings...do you think that one of them, not unlike you now, will be wondering the exact same thing. Do you think its possible that someone somewhere in some universe will be thinking...how it will feel to fly in the air...how wonderful it is to be an aerial creature...the freedom of movement in three dimensions in comparison with the two that he is used to...

Do you not think...that such a being might get such thoughts? If so, what do you think he might do about it...he will try to find a way to conquer his dreams...intelligence that you speak of might be useful here...soon, i am sure he will conquer the skies...but, my brother...if the sky is harmful to him...if he fails in mid flight, the fall might be great enough to kill him. He will fear that...he will fear that...his intelligence will fear that. Its not therefore possible for such a thing to happen...we have to play to our strengths...and the ground is not our strength."

"But in such a world as you say...the utter fascination of flying might be overpowering enough for intelligence to find a way...like we have our shields. Inspite of the fear of their failure, we still venture out like its normal...now, how would it feel to be born a land creature...to have that mobility that these creatures enjoy...thats what i am thinking about..."

"Ah...i see that the war has not affected your power to dream my brother. Dream away my dear Narular...dreams are always good for the future...but, if you can show me a world with such beings whose thoughts of flying is overwhelming, then that will make my pulse period!"

"You know as well as i do thats not possible...we have not seen such a world of intelligence yet. Its a well know fact that to be intelligent, you need to have the power of flight. But it makes me wonder whether our forefathers were wrong in this..."

"I don't know whether they are right or wrong...but my brother, is your hunger satisfied now with thoughts enough to fill up the empty spaces?"

The sky started lightening a little now...the twin stars were almost about to rise...in normal times, this would have made a beautiful scene...but in such pressing times, the beauty of the scene fails to register in the disturbed mind...afterall, beauty is what the mind perceives.

"Maybe...i don't know...in any case, its time for me to report to the hangar. We are making our way on a mission to survey for some critical mineral deposits to help build some terrestrial missiles...hmmm..."

"Ah...that does not sound bad. Where might you be heading off to...?"

"Wherever it takes. As you know, the critical minerals are almost extinguished in this galactic ring...we might be heading out to uncharted territory...will be an adventure to experience i am sure. I can tell you this...we have our eye on this particular planetoid we have been observing for some time now...initial projections seems to suggest that its atmospheric composition is ideal for our needs..."

"Well my brother...i wish you all luck in this mission of discovery. Meanwhile, i suggest you keep your thoughts with yourself...its not healthy to spread such unconventional thoughts around in such...ahhh...might we say, delicate times..."

"Yes...thank you brother for listening...i am grateful..."

"Of course...anything for an old comrade in arms! And...this planetoid, does it have a name?"

"SS3RFTS-MW is the internal code given by our observatory. But interestingly, our philosophical scriptures seem to mention it from ancient times...but the information is incomplete...lost along the way. I beleive its called Earth..."

"Earth...a not too inspiring name...don't expect to find too much there my brother. Our ancestors seem not to be too interested in this planetoid enough to refer to it with a more intelligent name. Anyway, time to go..."

And with a strong but gentle push, the two Narulars soared into the rising twin stars...

Relative change....

Change is lovely...change is amazing...change is what keeps a guy going...change is what makes humans so soooo well...human!

But lets say you change something about yourself...you might change, and be ok with it...but are others cool with it? How do others reacting to your change affect your change in it self? Will you revert back a little? Or will you feel pissed...or will you ignore everybody and go ahead with less tension...but does this make you not very amiable to feedback which it is sort of important after any change?

I mean...a change without any subsequent feedback negates the entire purpose...atleast in most cases where the change is made in a reactive way...or in the better cases where the change is proactive.

But sometimes, doesn't it piss you off when other people notice the change and ask stupid questions? Guess its part of the game eh...hopefully it should not influence you enough to revert back to your original state...that's cowardice in case you are one who changes after much thought...or you are impulsively ethical or such...ah...rare people those...anyway...that's more or less my point.

What i am getting at is this...that change is good...and one must not be afraid to change while thinking about what other people might say or react...be yourself and be honest to yourself first! Life will be good.